Sunday, March 6, 2011

is the sun ever gonna break?

Ray LaMontagne said it best in his song, Are we really through?....

Is that sun ever gonna break
Break on through the clouds
Shine down in all its glory onto me?
Head upon the ground
‘Cause I can’t hear the sound
‘Cept my own sad story

Get so tired
Starin’ at the wall
Weight’s so heavy
And that mountain’s so tall

Is there no one who would catch me if I fall?
Is there no one who would catch me if I fall?

Because it’s more
More than I can take
Wish that I could fake it
Pretend like I don’t know what’s going on

Something’s wrong
Something’s wrong
Trying to hold on
Just a little longer

Here's the thing. Right now=not an easy time and because I assimilate everything with music, songs sometimes help me move through the pain. I heard this song today and simply love my iPod shuffle for throwing me this. Right now is more than I can take. For the last few months I have tried to fake it. I have put a smile on my face like I do and not stepped in the the light and said...OK, now I could use some help. But here I am blogging about it.

I've most certainly stepped away from what I know to be my deep rooted faith and belief that God can and will heal what is going on right now. Ok. There. i said it. whew. How many readers will i lose to that? I can't go into details of the source and why I am hurting so bad, it simply wouldn't be fair. But if you happen to run into me and you happen to see me fakin' in...kindly step towards me and just give me a hug. I probably need it, actually i do need it.

The great thing is in the midst of all this pain, I am back at the piano as I wanted to be.

Sorry to be such a downer but I have to break free from this shell of fear, and move on.


Kirsten said...

Wish I could give you a hug! ((((Colleen))))) But there is a cyber hug for you! I don't know what you're going through right now, but I do know what it's like to experience pain and not know when it will ever get better. (I was widowed at 27 and will never forget those tough days!) And I know what it is to find it hard to trust God even when you know in your heart its the only place to go. Just hang in there! It WILL get better and even when you don't feel His presence, He is there gripping you like only He can! Don't give up! And don't be afraid to put yourself out there so your friends can love you!!!!

CP said...

Better late then never.....I wish I was there to hang out with you and cheer you up....Sending you some Sunshine from Hawaii and some ALOHA to cheer you up!!

Hang in are tough!!


Colleen Renee' said...

Thank you so so much Kirsten and Craig...much love to both of you. One day at a time.

Love Colleen