One week ago today I was admitted into the hospital already knowing the outcome for our delivery. Her heart had stopped and you will have to say goodbye to something that you and your husband wanted so badly. One week later, as my body physically heals, the emotional pain seems to be more intense and I find myself staring at walls and waiting for the end of each day. I find a physical ache in my body that is hard to describe unless you have been through loss.
Today I don't want to be known as courageous, strong, brave or honest. Not for this anyway.
Today I don't want to give thanks in all things. How could I possibly?
Today I don't want to feel one more minute of the physical affects from labor.
Today I don't want one more person to tell me she is my angel. It doesn't make it better.
Today I don't want one more person to ask when we will try again.
Today what I want is to have her back. I want my hope to replace this intense fear.
I miss the joy of being pregnant and anticipating new life. I miss her.
5 comments:
And today we love you just the way you are, just as we did yesterday and last week. You don't ever have to be anything else than what you are. That's the way we will continue to love you, just the way you are. And today we are praying the pain becomes easier to bear at least for this moment. Love you...
I love your honesty and feel so deeply for your pain. I echo what the person above wrote, you are loved the same no matter what, keep on hanging in there. I remember well when everyone says the wrong thing and forgive me if I'm one of them---it's so okay for you to feel that way and to voice it. Love you and praying for you!!!
God bless you, Colleen. I wish I could bring her back for you and Sam. All the words offered to you and questions asked are little love offerings from those who really love you. Sometimes we don't get the words quite right. But the love is there. You hang in there.
I love you today and always and ANY way you feel! You are never far from the forefront of my thoughts. I love you as you are everyday and any day. xoxo
love you Colleen
Post a Comment