Friday, January 25, 2008

Lazy Fortune Writer

Went to go eat at Firebowl with my friend Chad and we both get our Fortune Cookies at the end of the meal. His reads: "It's not what your fortune cookie can do for you, but what you can do for your fortune cookie!" Let's stop just for a moment and think about this. Not cool at all. I mean, you eat this meal of Pad Thai and you anticipate breaking the cookie open wondering if it will say something to completely inspire you...AND THEN, it reads like the John F. Kennedy Inaugural speech in 1961 but with switching out the word FORTUNE COOKIE for COUNTRY. Seriously? Someone needs to investigate and get fired. I mean, if the person was going to go this far to make this a 'fortune', he/she should have taken it all the way...."ask not what your fortune cookie will do for you, but what together we can do for the fortune cookie." Don't leave the JFK speech hanging friend!!! At least then it would have given me reason to laugh really hard, but this was not fortune, this was someone lazy on the job. It is too much to ask for some substance when you unravel this tiny piece of paper?

On the flip side, my fortune was right on track (I just felt the need to empathize for Chad):

That's right, 2008 is all about this.....if you have been reading this blog, you are up on it all. I believe success is measured differently by everyone so I don't go by the world's definition. Here's mine: If you love what you are doing, then you are successful! Giddy up!!!


The Gator said...

You forgot to mention that your brother Chad is in more need of something small like a good fortune to lift his spirits, than most. For f*cks sake...."what I can do for my fortune cookie?" I can eat you mr. god dang fortune cookie, that's what I can do!!! Look, fortune cookie, your fate has been sealed since the beginning. Your delicious, crispy, mouth watering awesomeness is what you were mad for....nay, put on this earth for. To satiate my sugary after asian dinner cravings. The only thing in life that you are good for is being eaten and offering a word or two of good advice, good cheer or at the very least something snarky that I can then apply the words "in bed" at the end of. Really, fortune cookie, you have failed at life. How can I help those that cannot help themselves. Perhaps you were abused, or ignored as a child. For that I am sorry, fc. I ate you, yes this is true...but I did not enjoy you, sir. Part of your fulfillment to others is to give...and you did not. In your finest hour, your moment of truth, on your asked for a handout. Shame, shame, shame on you mr. fortune cookie. I felt more joy the time I was in receipt of one of your tasty brethren who offered me NO wisdom. Yes, that's right ..... a blank fortune. At least then I could laugh at my own folly and lament the obvious sign of the "blank" in bed comment on my lack of sexual prowess at the time.

I am sure that I will try with your people again, but the bitter sting of your neglect, selfishness and rejection will stay with me for a long time to come. I hope that in death, you have time to think about that fortune cookie. Good day, sir. I said "GOOD DAY!"

The Gator said...

I would like to add that I am not venting my frustration with Colleen, my soul sista. Quite the opposite. Colleen, you rock. It is the fortune cookie that I have my "beef" with. How could you fortune could you??????

maggie said...

Hey, my fortune was quasi- political, too!
Mine read "Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow!" (exclamation included!!)
And I thought, "wow, this is so awesome b/c I JUST itunesed 'A Change is Gonna Come' by Sam Cooke." I've been listening to it through a relationship lense - as in a change for the good is about to happen and the best person for me at this time will enter my life. (that's what my mantra says) But, then it was MLK day and my sappy self-indulgence quickly dissipated as I realized Mr. Cooke was probably referring to the Civil Rights Movement.

So, maybe it wasn't a lazy fortune writer after all, maybe it's a subversive tactic to reach the American people in election year.
Go on with your bad-a**-polical self, Fortune Writer!

Colleen Renee' said...

Well thanks friends...clearly this was a wise blog to post as it has brought about some very interesting topics of discussion. Mags....let's look into this political brain wash of the tiny*little*cruncy*yummy* piece of food. I think you are on to something.

Brian Kirk said...

this is what you get for mixing pad thai with fortune cookies - that's just wrong! poor Chu Yuan Chang... this is what his strategy to overrule the mongols has turned into.