I got up this morning and made my way to 715 am Yoga at Wanderlust Live. The first 30 minutes of practice I felt strong, I felt like today wouldn't be so hard. And then...out of nowhere...tears flooded out of my eyes. The good news is there happens to be crying in yoga.....(and maybe in baseball because my Cardinals lost the NLCS on Sunday night) My breath became short and I couldn't place myself in one more pose. My physical practice was done and my emotional/mental practice had to take over. I moved into child's pose oddly enough and let my tears fall. Everyone once and again I would return to Ashley's (teacher) instruction but would find myself not able to handle any physical movement. One of the things I love about Wanderlust is they are music first, yoga always. About 45 minutes into class, Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah starts to play. Yep, done. I knew I had to surrender and just try to breathe. As I sat with my tears I realized that I have come a long way from one year ago. My natural tendency would be to leave class and escape before anyone saw me. I wouldn't possibly want my tears to make anyone uncomfortable. That didn't happen today. I stayed on my mat, I cried through the last 30 minutes of class, Ashley came over to check on me and make sure I was okay and I leaned so freaking hard into the pain that was happening that I was exhausted when the class finished.
I was reminded of something Anne Lamott wrote: