Good Will Hunting....

What a strange/tough/full-of-life-lessons week I have had.

Monday started off pretty normal, getting things ready for an event in Oregon next week. Went home that night and went to bed as normal.

Get up on Tuesday and head to an LAF Team Meeting at Dart Bowl up on 2222. (Yes, we mix business with a bit of fun at times!) On the way to this meeting, I was not all quite there as my head was racing in many different directions, for many different reasons. And then I saw the red lights in front of me, that were the red lights of a Ford Explorer and BAM! I hit the car full on and 24 hours later found out my car was totaled. Done. My 1999 paid-off Toyota Camry was not going to come back alive...Kirk Camry was quite good to me since 2001 and I will miss this car dearly. Knowing that I cannot afford a car payment right now, I was pushed 100% into bike commuting. So Wednesday I get up and ride the 3 miles to work, take a shower and get on with my week.

Now, those of you that know me....the transition wasn't quite that easy. I cried pretty heavily on the phone to my Dad that I was so proud of how I had paid off that car and since I only have liability on that car, I have no money coming to me to help towards the down payment of something else.

As the week went on, friends were helping me get here and there, I was finding the safer paths via bike and a co-worker going out of town for the weekend, offered me her wheels until Sunday night. (which was certainly a HUGE help for me so I could run errands to really get myself into the work of bike commuting.)

As Saturday afternoon came my way, I had lunch with a friend that couldn't imagine me riding my bike everywhere. I said to her, "well, after the Ironman I said I really wanted to get stronger on the bike! Now, I don't have a choice!!"

This seemingly 'negative' thing has turned to be a positive thing in my life right now for many reasons.....

*I am learning to ask for help (which isn't my thing)
*I am learning all the safe commuter routes...which is fun!
*I am learning to live life a bit simpler, which is another thing that was on my list.
*I am learning that things could ALWAYS be much worse...and here is why

I found out yesterday that an old friend/acquaintance of mine from when I sang at Disney lost his 4 year battle with brain cancer. Yes, when he was diagnosed 4 years ago, it was stage 4 and was told they would try surgery and then chemo, but of course, no guarantees. Dave fought hard and always with a smile on his face...at the time of diagnosis his daughter was only 6 months old....fast forward 4 years and the cancer came back, and it came back harder. He was given 6-12 weeks and so he, his wife and daughter spent his last days together. I talked to an old friend today that was very close with Dave and he said how precious and amazing that he was given those four years with family. My friend continued on telling me that when the cancer came back and contracts were up for renewal at Disney....Disney gave him his contract even though they knew Dave would not return back to work. They wanted him and his family to have the paycheck so they could have the time together and not worry about finances. Disney also gave his entire cast of singers off this coming Tuesday for his Memorial service....

Then I went to church this morning and the pastor talked about thanking God for the good stuff....do I really do this? ouch. Do I focus on the discontent and wanting more? I think so. So this week (and hopefully beyond) I want to focus on all the things I take for granted yet are SO SO precious to me.

So with that my new week and my life of bike commuting begins. (if anyone is going to T3 swims and can help me out, I will help pay for gas!!!) Of course, eventually I will need to purchase another vehicle but I know in time, that will come. I have to trust that I will be provided for.....which is also hard for me.

What I do know..
I came out of the accident ok, not hurt.
I have a place to sleep and eat at.
I have a few bikes to choose from for commuting.
I have a great family that supported me through the phone calls.
I have good friends that offer rides and help.

Some pictures....

It has been a LONG waiting game, but here are a few pictures from the world of RAGBRAI...and some new cycle buddies!!! A few of them will be here for LIVESTRONG Challenge in October and I can't wait to ride with them again!!

these are the guys I rode in with the last day, a lady gave us an American Flag to ride into the finish with

This is the Kim Barnett. She is the reason I survived RAGBRAI.

I just love the people in this picture! They made the miles go by rather fast. From the left, Matt, the Kim Barnett, Brett (super funny guy, knows everything about the Tour from the last 75 years and likes to make fun of people just as much as me) and then me.

TGIF.....John Edwards

I got a phone call on the way home from work from my good buddy Brett...met him at the Bike Ride in Iowa...called to let me know John Edwards had finally admitted to the affairs with the movie producer. See below.

In the interview, Edwards says he lied repeatedly about the affair with a 44-year-old woman while his wife struggled with cancer. He denied he is the father of the woman’s child. (however he has NOT taken a paternity test yet)

The woman, Rielle Hunter, had run a firm that directed four Web videos for Edwards’s political action committee in 2006. Hunter had a daughter in February. She didn’t put a father’s name on the birth certificate filed in California, according to the Associated Press. Andrew Young, an aide to Edwards, has claimed to be the father. (hmmmm.....that one seems strange)

Let the mudslinging begin folks! It's election year!!! WOOOOO HOOOOOO!!!

Oh, and John, be prepared for ANY woman in America to flip you off, curse at you, throw sharp objects at you because the man who was "standing by his woman" while undergoing treatment, well....you made your bed (apparently with 44 year old Rielle) now lie in it.

And if McCainn wins? You will probably blamed for that too as this is going to shake up the Democratic party.

Nice. Really nice. McSame it is!!!

say-what-you-mean, mean-what-you-say

SAY WHAT YOU MEAN?.... Sounds easy, huh? Saying what you mean is more than choosing your words and stating them. Words, after all, have at least three meanings: what you mean, what the listener thinks you mean, and the dictionary definition(s). One way to be clearer about saying what you mean is to think about your message from your listener’s perspective. I remember at a work training being asked to 1)listen to what the other has to say. 2)repeat back exactly so they can tell you hear 2)state your case. I have seen this work in ANY relationship....friend, significant other, co-workers, famiily.

SO...how do you MEAN WHAT YOU SAY? I am sorry but this 'common sense' principal...ain't so common folks. In order to mean what you say, you have to be very firm and certain about what message you are trying to communicate. If your message sounds like your waffling about on a topic, and you’re not, you are unfairly misleading your listener. This is no time for passive aggressive communication, hinting about hoping someone will “get” what you really mean. (sadly, I have been guilty of this in the last few weeks and in journaling yesterday realized I gotta get better about this)

I have been tested on this specifically with a friendship.....I am afraid to say what I mean with this person because honestly, the friendship has changed and I think I can see where it is headed. When you pour yourself into something (the both of you) and you end up not really getting what expected in the end....well...to be point blank. IT SUCKS.

I learned a little lesson this past weekend about the differences in communication patterns between certain types of people/friends. My absolute best bet was to bite the bullet, let go of all those touchy-feely conversational props, and just be blunt....yet in the end, I could not. I actually watched myself having a conversation that is NOT the way I communicate AT ALL. I passive-voiced myself when in all truth, I was deeply hurt.

I’m not advocating being heartless about it. Which is tough because I communicate in the black and white for the most part. I am an all or nothing person except when I can sense the super-sensitivity and don't know how to communicate the pain in such a way that would put someone on the defensive.

It's tough. I am learning.

Really? That is what you have to ask me?

I have been working at The Lance Armstrong Foundation for almost 2 months now and I can't even begin to express how much I LOVE my job! New challenges each week, a lot of personal growth, tons of inspiration and a great team to work with and for! It's a dream to be 33 and know that the job I have...could be a pretty long term commitment for me!

What is funny to me are the questions that said friends and acquaintances choose to ask me....like, Do you think he was a doper during the Tour? Is he really dating Kate Hudson? How long do you think that will last and my personal favorite...Is he really an asshole? ("he" being Lance of course)

Let's clear some things up...I am NOT his personal assitant nor the leak to US Weekly Magazine, I work with Grassroots Fundraising...I help those that want to raise money for the Foundation that will fulfill the manifesto: Unity is Strength. Attitude is Everything and Knowledge is Power. The Foundation strives to improve the quality of life for cancer survivors, increase research funding and advance cancer prevention methods. Bottom Line...that is what I help see through.

Let's look at the facts...Lance right now could be in France enjoying the Tour as the former 7 time winner BUT this weekend he will be in San Jose for the LIVESTRONG Challenge riding 100 miles with supporters.

No wonder Armstrong gets frustrated that there is so much focus on other things - namely, doping accusations and girlfriends. Whatever he is - or whatever you think he is - there remains this truth: Probably no other athlete has used his fame to do more for society. Armstrong has raised $250 million through his foundation. He has brought hope to millions who suffer from cancer and its effects. He has helped shape national health policy. These are enormous accomplishments.

When it comes to the Foundation and Lance all I have seen is 150% commitment to raising awareness and cutting deaths from cancer. He loves the work that the Foundation does and he won't quit until leadership starts providing funding to see research through.

Armstrong is climbing a different mountain now...and it is amazing to be a part of that fight every day.

The Hollywood gossip has gotten out of hand...rather than wonder what he is doing in his personal life (which is personal) how about you go and purchase some LIVESTRONG gear where 100% goes back to the Foundation or sign up for a LIVESTRONG challenge near you? That might be better use of time....I can help you with that, but I can't keep up with the accusations and gossip.

Life is precious

I guess sometimes it is true...death comes in 3's.

First was Allan Goldberg, a former employee of the Lance Armstrong foundation that lost his battle with cancer on June 22. He was 40, a triathlete and two-time cancer survivor who was executive director of a nonprofit organization that introduced young cancer survivors to outdoor adventure sports. Allan defined the word survivor. He battled this disease for more than 20 years. He spent his life giving back and helping others. He lived strong each and every day.

Second was Michael Argall- an athlete and coach in the Austin community that was killed when hit by a car whle riding his bike this past weekend. His memorium is here. I knew him briefly with the marathon training group I started with this past fall and then met him again at the church I attend. He was 45, an incredible man and leaves 3 children that are 21, 18, and 14. So very sad...but no one can say he did not live his life to the FULLEST.

And third was a letter that I opened up last night. I had adopted a little girl, Rosemary, from Uganda through an organization called World Vision. This organization helps villages in Africa by teaching them how to build community, AIDS awareness and providing education. Rosemary was 7 and she passed due to health issues. When I got the letter...it was tough...I had never met her, but looked forward the letters I would get from her.

Don't go to bed angry because no one is guaranteed tomorrow. No one.

KT...you are so right.

Was chatting with an old friend today and telling her about my week (she called to send well wishes on the Ironman, she could tell I was down and out...got out what I needed to and then she sent me this.

"Why waste your energy on those who treat you with disregard when there are so many others who want to give you the world?"

So true. I am focusing on the wrong things. People make mistakes...me being one of them and I can't let myself feel like the bad person anymore. I am pretty easy to talk to when it comes to things like this and I always want to grow and learn like the rest of us. But disregard sucks and it doesn't feel good. However, I should focus on those that want to give me the world...and thankfully there are so many of you out there.

Time for some goal setting cause I get motivated by that.

Thanks KT...you are a good friend!